Of memories and lonely wanderings
by xxboredinparadisexx
Summary: Sabi's past is a mystery to most of the people he meets, and to be honest, he doesn't remember much of it either. Wander in his past life with him up to the point of his death as he relives each moment. AU/OC characters/mentions of yaoi and yuri/swearing/mentions of just about anything dark and angsty you can think up./mentions of rape/ more warnings inside.


A/E: I'm not sure how this is gonna work out, so, if you're a warriors fan, forgive me, but, all of the characters in this story are OCs, though there will probably be slight mentions of characters from the books. Please take care of me~, and R&R!

Rest of the warnings:

Character death

Serious injury

Swearing of just about anything

Often mentions of sexual activities

Possibly more warnings in the future.

* * *

Story starts now~.

* * *

I have decided something.

In all of my years, the thousands upon thousands of millenniums I have lived, I have seen idiots a plenty. There's just one kind of idiot I can't get over. And that's clan-cats. Don't get me wrong, some of them have actually be redeeming. But, one small handful of grain does not affect an entire field, right?

That's right.

It doesn't.

I've discovered this first-hand, from my past life. Well. Lives. I can't stay dead, and I think that the fact of who my father is has a fact to do with it. See, my father was never what you'd call **normal**.

At least, not by today's standards.

Not by any day's standards.

You know how some felines can get in touch with 'starclan' and the 'darkforest' and the like, right? Well, some of them have been able to get past just 'getting in touch' and have bred half-spirit, half-feline. This isn't anything new, not by a long shot. No, it dates back towards the times where clan-cats and starclan and the darkforest didn't even exist. My father was a god.

'How does this affect you not being able to stay dead?'

Well, that's very simple.

When you die, you HAVE to go to someplace you have belief in to stay completely dead. There's no way around this, unless your father and the religion he came from died years ago and you have nothing to believe in. Then you're left wandering forever throughout time, never to find your specific purpose because you never had any. Never to find someone you can truly confide in. Never to feel the warmth of the one you love until you die.

You can merely sit back, and no matter how hard you try, you will never be truly apart of the scene going on around you. You can no longer feel time, and each moment you spend with friends and lovers will just become a lost memory in your cerebral cortex. Merely a second to you is a lifetime to them. You have your descendents of course, but, because their father or mother is not a god, they'll wither away, never meant to be remembered by anyone but you. You will wander around in agony, just waiting for time to end and take you with it, screaming at and hating everything that got a chance to rest in peace.

It never does though. Each millennium that passes, it never takes you with it. Only the people you knew and once loved. Your enemies, your family, acquaintances, strangers you never knew and never will, and it takes your purpose and everything else you know of until it has stripped you dry of even the will to go on.

So, I have decided.

I will simply slit my throat next time I am in spirit form.

But, that is impossible, and each time I try, I am merely whisked away to my next form. My next embodiment. This is why I think clan-cats are pure simpletons.

They want eternal life. That is why they wanted those nine lives. It was the closest they could get to such a thing. They fail to realize what this means if they were to gain such an ability. It means you are merely a pebble in the water.

The water will flow around your existence and over you, ignoring you completely.

When the water sees how ugly you are though, it immediately grows dark, distorted, and tries to get you out. By any means possible.

So, this being said, not only does it mean giving up the ability to be recognized, it means giving up all the small things; touch, the smallest little flutter of the noise that annoys you, everything. It also means you're giving up the chance to just live a happy life instead of living an eternal lonely, sad, devastating one.

And as I am saying all of this, I realize something.

You don't have a clue who I am, or what I am as I speak to you.

My name is Sabi, and well.. As for what I am..

I don't know.


End file.
